Suicide and the Christian

I realize as of late, I have chosen topics that are rather edgy. I do not consider myself an authority or expert on any of these topics.

My writings are a reflection of sincere thoughts and an honest pursuit of truth which is geared toward offering the most help I can, for some of the complicated issues we face.  Today is no different.

I have been asked multiple times about loved ones who were believed to have been Christian, who at some point in their life, felt hopeless and committed suicide, as to whether they went to heaven.   In short, the question was: do people who commit suicide go to heaven?

There are several factors that come into play from a Christian perspective that make “suicidal Christians” the subject of such heated debate.  Stay tuned as I will share my thoughts after I introduce you to some of the things I was told such as:

• People who commit suicide are frequently hopeless.  How could someone who is a Christian ever feel hopeless?  If they in fact felt hopeless and took their lives, they could not have been a Christian

• Suicide is murder and murder is sin.  The wages of sin is death and a person who committed suicide could not have been a Christian
  • Therefore they did not go to heaven

The first bullet statement deals with the myth that a Christian cannot have any internal struggles which at times paralyze them from seeing things the way they truly are.  We must understand what Augustine taught concerning original sin—that it affected, marred and corrupted everything about mankind to include our chemistry, perception, and mind and this world is currently in an abnormal state.  Things are not the way God intended them to be.  All of creation is groaning waiting for the day of redemption (see Romans 8:19-23).

We may venture through the scriptures and discover people who loved God, were used by God to accomplish great things and who struggled with episodes and times of chronic depression: Job, Elijah, King David, Jeremiah (the weeping prophet), Jesus (my soul is exceedingly sorrowful even unto death, known by Isaiah the prophet as: a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief Isaiah. 53:3-12).

History reveals others such as: John Calvin, Susannah Wesley, Martin Luther, Charles Spurgeon, etc…. who struggled with moments and extended periods of depression and a sense of hopelessness. What are we to make of their life—that they could not have been a Christian because they sometimes felt hopeless or depressed and at times wanted to die?

Personally, a year ago, I was as low as I had felt in twenty years.  I loved God, but I sank to an all time low.  I felt hopeless and literally wanted to die.  I could not and did not want to pray, read my bible, study, or worship.  I felt hopeless.  You may say: I understand but you are still here. You did not take your life.  Correct, but I wanted to and I thought about it a lot.

*I will share more of my personal struggle at a later date and tell you what and who pulled me through that dark time.*

Think this through with me for a minute.  The heart of those bullet statements strike at the central issue of the Protestant Reformation—how a person is justified in the sight of God.  Those who say that a person who feels hopeless and who subsequently takes their life could not have been a Christian are in essence saying: the way a person lives their life—how well they perform is how they are justified—a salvation based upon works rather than faith.

Conversely, the Bible says: there is none good, no not one, all have gone astray (Rom 3:10-18); that we are justified by faith and have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ (Rom 5:1-2).

The Pharisees performed the externals of devotion to God better than everyone and Jesus called them “whitewashed tombs, and hypocrites”….  He said that we must have a righteousness that exceeded the righteousness of the Scribes and Pharisees (Matt 5:17-20).  If we cannot out-perform the hypocrisy of the religious leaders of Jesus’ day, we must receive our righteousness from another who did and who fulfilled God’s requirement (see Matt 5:17 and Php 3:8-11).

The first bullet statement excludes Christ as the ONLY proper object for anyone’s faith and secondly it leaves a person believing they can and must, master the sin nature and the effects of sin independently.   The statement leaves us believing the effects of sin were not devastating enough and can be easily conquered.  Why was it necessary for Jesus to die then? What did He redeem His elect from?

They are telling a hurting family that eternity in heaven depended entirely on what they did instead of what Christ did for them at the cross.  While murder is sin, so is lust, adultery, hatred, sexual immorality etc….  Are we to conclude that a person who lusts and claims to be a Christian cannot be one and could never struggle with lust?   Are we categorizing sins—writing some off as no big deal while others deserve the full weight of God’s justice?  The scripture says: “The wages of sin is death…” (Rom 3:23).  All sin deserves punishment. 

Here is the beautiful thing about the Christian faith from Is. 53:4-6

“Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted.  5 But he was wounded for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his stripes we are healed.  6 All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned—every one—to his own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all.[1]

Jesus died for us, to rescue us from this present evil world.  Depression is an extremely complex issue and should not be treated with such contempt by those who battle other demons.  Furthermore, it is unjust, and unkind to squeeze everyone into the cookie cutter mold and toss random bible band-aid passages on gushing wounds such as: “the joy of the Lord is our strength” without taking the time or demonstrating the compassion to deal with issues responsibly.

This is our effort to heal wounds and when we do so in such nonchalant, cavalier ways, we are healing them lightly, saying: “peace, peace, when there is no peace….”  When you do not understand and are not looking to understand, silence is golden.  The highest form of ignorance is to condemn something you know nothing about.

So, do people who commit suicide go to heaven?  I would have to know more about the person before making such a call.  Who or what were they trusting in?  What was the object of their faith?

I personally believe it is entirely possible for a person to love God, be a Christian and struggle with depression and a sense of hopelessness to the extent they take their lives and still go to heaven.  Why?  Because I believe it is entirely possible for a person to love God, be a Christian, commit adultery and still go to heaven.

This does not mean I am justifying sin.  This is simply a strong belief that God has justified the sinner based entirely on faith in the merits of what Jesus Christ did at the cross, not on how well they perform or lived under the myth of perfection in this life!  It is based upon a strong belief that sin has devastated, in fact rendered a death blow to humanity and hopelessness, suicide, lust and adultery are but a few of the results.   The object of one’s faith is the critical issue to be resolved here.

There are people who will live moral and ethical lives who will not go to heaven.  Why?  It is the object of their faith!  All of our righteousness before God is as “filthy rags…, event the plowing of the wicked is sin.” It is not good enough!  If what we do or could do was good enough, Jesus would never have had to die on the cross to rescue us from anything.  We could have mastered it all in our own industry!

I would offer this to a person, who is a Christian and who feels hopeless right now, to the extent of wanting or planning to take their life, that tomorrow offers opportunities that was clouded by the troubled perceptions of today!  It could be better.  You have tremendous reasons for hope.  You are not alone in your struggle.

Suicide is selfish.  You are not just taking your life, you are taking the life of those who love you and will be left picking up the pieces when you are gone.  Do not fall into the trap of believing that your situation is so unique, nobody could understand, help or relate.

Though God may not send the pain, He will not waste any of it.  Even if God seems distant, I can assure you, during your period of loneliness and isolation that God is doing a marvelous work of transformation to which you may not understand until after the fact.  Life is precious and worth it!

With and in love

Pastor Mike

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[1] http://www.gnpcb.org/esv/search/?q=Isaiah+53&src=esv.org

What is Truth?

The quest for truth, that is, what is REAL has been the subject of inquiry and debate by philosophers and theologians for thousands of years.  To say that Truth is unknowable is a contradictory statement because: the statement makes a truth claim.

Perhaps the real problem facing us concerning what truth is, squares more with each person’s honest questions and subsequent interpretation of what is painfully obvious.

It is the biblical worldview that believes: God has clearly made himself known in the works of creation.

…His invisible attributes, namely His eternal power and divine nature have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made.  So that they are without excuse.[1] (See also: Psalm 8; 14:1; 19:1-2)

In essence, there is not a single person on the planet who will be able to appeal to ignorance on the day of reckoning.  This of course will be a day when men and women are called into account for the truth they know and failed to respond to.

The Apostle Paul makes the case that it is not that men cannot know the truth.  It is that they do know the truth and in knowing the truth, they suppress it in unrighteousness.  The language of Romans 1:18 suggests that when confronted with the truth (Rom 1:16-17), men look for ways to suppress it, hinder its affect on their lives and perhaps even appeal to ignorance as a means of justifying their flight away from the necessary adjustments in life that truth calls us to.

Again, the Apostle Paul, while confronting the Epicureans and Stoics in Athens made bold declarations as well, upsetting the landscape of their philosophical assumptions and worldview.  Paul was subsequently sent to the Aeropagus to stand trial.

The Areopagus was named after the Greek god of war, Ares.  The Areopagus was called the “martial peak” because of the location on a rocky height in the city of Athens, just on the western side of the Acropolis.

This hill belonged to (Ares) Mars and was called Mar’s Hill; so called, because, as the story went, Mars, having slain Halirrhothius, son of Neptune, for the attempted violation of his daughter Alicippe, was tried for the murder here before twelve gods as judges.

The Aeropagus was the location where the judges convened who, by appointment of Solon, had jurisdiction of capital offences, (as willful murder, arson, poisoning, malicious wounding, and breach of established religious usages).^[2]

The Epicurean and Stoic Philosophers had sent Paul to the Areopagus, claiming he was a babbler, someone who just tossed out random ideas foolishly and peddled them as the truth! Acts 17:18

Epicureans were followers of the noted philosopher Epicurus whose ideas consisted of a way of life directed at worldly happiness.

He held to a view that all reality (the Universe) was: exclusively matter and void in nature.  He believed that matter consists of indestructible and indivisible particles (atoms) having a variety of shapes and sizes which, in clusters make up all things that exist

He believed that atoms and their movement are a single ultimate fact about the way things are, but each atom is susceptible to unpredictable swerves that result in overall random movements

No atom is ever brought into being or put out of existence by divine or any other power.

Epicureans denied the supernatural and believed, the gods are inactive and far off ‘blessed’ and long enduring, but from whom ‘we have nothing to hope and nothing fear.’  If they exist at all, we are not to worry because they are remote and detached from us!

In such a universe man is delivered from superstitious fear: death is literally nothing to him. The good life is secured by kindness and friendship with those about you, and by moderation of appetite so that, although nothing is forbidden he who measures his desire by the utilitarian standard and needs least has the firmest grasp on happiness[3]

The Stoics were a different class of thinkers and whose framework believed, all that really matters is our attempts to do good and right.  The thought is like that of a hunter not caring if he actually hits his target so long as he makes the attempt.

In essence, we just live the best we can under the circumstances as we see them and prepare ourselves to deal with the consequences as being handed to them by Providence.

No wonder the Epicureans and Stoics sent Paul to the Areopagus to answer the charges against him.  Epicureans valued this present life and worldly values/ideals. They denied immortality and their account of the universe was vastly different from the Christian.  Conversely, Stoics believed all that mattered was their efforts to do right—Self-Sufficiency and Self-Righteousness.

Paul declared the reality of the unknown God to them—that He, not atoms created everything and that “in Him we live, and move and have our being: Acts 17:28.”

What really mattered was not just doing the best we can under the circumstances and relying upon our own reason and sense of self-sufficiency, but knowing that Providence established the boundaries of our habitations that we would seek Him and find Him though He is not far from any of us

• Contrary to the reasoning of the Stoics, who did not care if they hit the target, Paul was pointing to the Lord Jesus Christ—that it was not enough to attempt to do the right thing, God commands all men everywhere to repent: Acts 17:30-31

After the discourse with the “Areopagus” where Paul answered the questions facing all philosophers at the time concerning: life, motion and being, He pointed to the resurrection of Jesus Christ as proof of the judgment to come, for rejecting the common grace that was available to them.

In the midst of such philosophical inquiry and debate, Jesus appeared on the stage of human history some 2000 years ago and declared confidently: “Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me” (John 14:6).[4]

Now, either Jesus is who He claimed to be or as in the words of C.S. Lewis, He is a liar or lunatic.

Have you bothered to inquire as to the claims of Jesus Christ?  To fail to do so, especially on THE single most important topic and subject affecting humanity—Truth, what is REAL and ETERNAL is a roll of the dice of magnanimous proportions.

I suppose however that some just like Pilate who when confronted with the Truth asked: “What is truth?” (John 18:38), are moved more by expediency or the skepticism of those who have despaired of actually knowing it.

Augustine stated:

All too frequently the poverty of human intelligence has plenty to say, for inquiry employs more words than the discovery of the solution; it takes longer to state a request than to have it granted, and the hand which knocks has more work to do than the hand which receives.[5]

What is scary to me are the vast numbers of those who profess to know the Truth and who go through the motions of appearing to have apprehended it without any indication that it has affected their life.  They are in love with the idea of eternal life but not the LIFE itself.  If they loved the LIFE himself, they would cease to remain indifferent to Him as evidenced by their apathy and pitiful Sunday excuses.

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[1] Rom 1:19-20 English Standard Version

^[2]Strong, J. 1996. The exhaustive concordance of the Bible: Showing every word of the text of the common English version of the canonical books, and every occurrence of each word in regular order. (electronic ed.) . Woodside Bible Fellowship.: Ontario

[3] Ted Honderich The Oxford Guide Philosophy (Oxford University Press) p. 257-258 1995, 2005

[4] http://www.gnpcb.org/esv/search/?q=john+14%3A6&src=esv.org

[5] Saint Augustine Confessions A new Translation by Henry Chadwick (New York; Oxford University Press) Book XII, Platonic and Christian Creation I (I); An echo of Cicero’s Nortensius, cited in VIII, vii (17) 1991

What Do You and Eleanor Rigby Have in Common?

An old song came to mind this morning while checking Facebook–The Beatles classic: Eleanor Rigby.

The song begins with the words: “Ah, look at all the lonely people, Ah, look at all the lonely people.”[1]

The interesting thing about the opening lines of the song is the paradox of observing a group of people who are evidently in close proximity to each other yet unconnected, or if connected at all it is on a superficial level and they are labeled as: LONELY!

It confirms my suspicions and experience that you can be in a group of people, in fact surrounded by people and yet, you feel and perhaps even appear to be the loneliest person on the planet—invisible!  Does that even make sense—that you can appear to others as though you are invisible?

I checked the stats this morning and the U.S. Census Bureau estimates 6,781,359,115 people on this planet as of 8:10 a.m. GMT.[2] How then is it possible to be in such an immense population of people and be so lonely?  For that matter, how is it possible to be in a relationship with people and be lonely, in spite of the relationship?    How is it possible to be married to someone and feel invisible?  What is loneliness?  Being without company, cut off from contact with other people, desolate?  Is it the product of choice or circumstance?   Is it the product of insecurity, a form of self-sabotage where you, like Eleanor after picking up the pieces of another person’s great day… “Lives in a dream, Waits at the window, wearing the face that she keeps in a jar by the door, who is it for?”[3]

Is the face you put on for you or them?  You know, the ones who never seem to knock on the door, call you, really care or express love to you in a way and in the measure that you long for—those people!

What is it about real relationships or the absence of them that makes loneliness so painfully obvious?

I once heard a well known Pastor of a church of nearly 14,000 people in a moment of candor say: “I am surrounded by people all day every day and I am the loneliest man you will ever meet.”

I understand the Pastor’s heart—every relationship he has is “one-sided” he gives and they take, seldom adding any value to the relationship—it is conditional, superficial and the moment the pastor fails to meet the expectation of those he is “in a relationship” with, he will be standing in a line somewhere looking for another group of superficial friendships—still lonely.

“All the lonely people, Where do they all come from? All the lonely people, Where do they all belong?”[4]

31 “And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good. And there was evening and there was morning, the sixth day.”

18 “Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for [1] him.” [5]

Even the Lord recognized the importance of interpersonal relationships.  Yet notice something here: God designed a specific person for Adam.  The relationship Adam had with Eve was ordained by the Lord.  He brought her to him.

The point I would like for you to consider is: there are relationships that you are meant to be in and perhaps others that were not designed for you.  We may be unbalanced in how many relationships we “enjoy” with people we are not matched with, which in my estimation, explains the loneliness and sense of desolation or invisibility.

You are not free to be authentic in some of the relationships you have which is why you can be surrounded by people and know they are not equipped to handle your “humanity.”  In other words, they cannot handle the real YOU without “the face you keep in the jar by the door.”

I am fortunate!  God has blessed me with an extraordinary wife who loves me unconditionally, tolerates and even laughs at my “humanity.”  We met in high school at McDonalds.  I made the biscuits and she made the salads and the rest as it is said is history.  I remember our first date like it was yesterday.  We ate supper at Olive Garden (my treat of course) then to the movies.  When we were saying goodbye to each other for the evening, I looked at her and asked: “May I kiss you?”  Yes I asked permission!  I knew when we kissed for the first time, I could not imagine the rest of my life without her!  I just KNEW even at the ripe age of 16.5.  Today 18 years of marriage later, we have three amazing children and together enjoy authenticity in a value adding relationship.

Growing up, my Ma would always tell me: “Michael if you make it in this world with a few friends, and I mean a few, like you can count them on one hand, you have something!  You will have very few people in this world you can call a friend.”  I can see her tiny little hand up in the air waving it around right now as she illustrated what I came to know experientially.  Mom protected me from great disappointment by telling me the truth about the rarity of real relationships.  Thank you Ma!  I love you for that!

Consider what the apostle John said concerning Jesus:  John 2:23-25

Now when he was in Jerusalem at the Passover Feast, many believed in his name when they saw the signs that he was doing. 24 But Jesus on his part did not entrust himself to them, because he knew all people 25 and needed no one to bear witness about man, for he himself knew what was in man.[6]

Jesus did have a few close relationships out of the twelve apostles whom He chose (Peter, James and John)—something I try and teach my children: “You pick your friends, do not let them choose you.”

We are told in Scripture that He knows the pain of loneliness too.  Throughout his life and ministry we are told:

He was despised and rejected of men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief and as one from whom men hide their faces.  He was despised and we esteemed Him not. (Isaiah 53:3)

The point I wish to make is that He can empathize and sympathize perfectly with the human condition.  As the old hymn rightly stated:

1. There’s not a Friend like the lowly Jesus:
   No, not one! no, not one!
   None else could heal all our souls’ diseases:
   No, not one! no, not one!
2. Jesus knows all about our struggles;
   He will guide ’til the day is done:
   There’s not a Friend like the lowly Jesus:
   No, not one! no, not one!
3. No friend like Him is so high and holy,
   No, not one! no, not one!
   And yet no friend is so meek and lowly,
   No, not one! no, not one!
4. There’s not an hour that He is not near us,
   No, not one! no, not one!
   No night so dark, but His love can cheer us,
   No, not one! no, not one!
5. Did ever saint find this Friend forsake him?
   No, not one! no, not one!
   Or sinner find that He would not take him?
   No, not one! no, not one!
6. Was e’er a gift like the Savior given?
   No, not one! no, not one!
   Will He refuse us the bliss of heaven?
   No, not one! no, not one!

It is my heartfelt prayer that you would begin and enjoy this life-giving relationship with the One who will never leave you, nor forsake you, the One who in your darkest moments is not a distant, absentee Landlord but immediately available.

Look in the mirror!  Are you not able to see for yourself the longing for something more substantial and real?  Do you not see for yourself what is painfully obvious to the rest of the world observing you—that your eyes, even if they sparkle occasionally are empty except for the tears that fill them at night when you lay your head on the pillow—lonely… “lives in a dream.”

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[1] http://www.lyricsfreak.com/b/beatles/eleanor+rigby_10026674.html

[2] http://www.census.gov/main/www/popclock.html

[3] Ibid

[4] Ibid

[5] http://www.gnpcb.org/esv/search/?q=Gen+1%3A31

[6] http://www.gnpcb.org/esv/search/?q=John+2%3A23-25

You Want Me To Do What?

Chances are very high that some of you reading this post have been the victims of things like: domestic violence, rape, molestation, theft, neglect or some other form of abuse.

We experience hurt in other ways as well as many of us have fractured relationships with family, friends, neighbors, co-workers etc…  Perhaps you were misunderstood or offended by the words, actions or lack thereof by those closest to you.

I read an article published by Forward magazine dated 1993, that estimated nearly 60 million survivors of sexual abuse today.  Between 1980-1990, reported cases of child sexual abuse climbed 322%–makes you wonder how many went unreported.  In the year 2000 there were approximately 879,000 cases of child abuse, 10% of which involved the sexual abuse of a child.  Most of the victims whether boy or girl were abused before the age of 8.  I have  a person in my life whom I love dearly who was sexually abused by her grandfather until she was 12 years of age.

She, like so many never told anyone because: she feared retaliation, thought maybe it was her fault, feared losing her parents who may, in a fit of rage take justice into their own hands.  Perhaps you, like her, felt embarrassed or ashamed, guilty or dirty, or feared what family and friends would think of you should they find out.

The Bureau of Justice reports approximately 1 million women today suffer from violence in the home.  One out of every three women will experience or have experienced violence in some form.  If you have experienced this, you may have felt hopeless, helpless and lived in paralyzing fear.  You may have made repeated trips to the emergency room, new “cover” stories for all of your friends and family about how “clumsy” you are.  Perhaps you were humiliated in front of others, made to feel inferior, intimidated, threatened and verbally abused.

According to Brown and Finkelhor 1986 this abuse affects us emotionally.  We are prone to hostility, depression, anxiety, difficulty establishing and maintaining close relationships with anyone ad infinitum.

Perhaps you have recovered physically from this trauma but there are wounds on the inside that need the healing touch of the Great Physician.

The Bible teaches us: “3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3.  The question is: HOW does God bring about the healing in our life?

Several years ago, while at a conference in Georgia, the Pastor of the Church stood up to welcome everyone.  Afterward, the Pastor asked us to turn around and pray for someone.  I turned around, grabbed a tiny little hand, closed my eyes and began to pray.  Mind you, I was praying  for a total stranger and, I did not even look up to see their face.

Now typically, when we pray for someone we do not know, it is always sort of generic such as: God bless _____, may they experience your grace and love today, help them etc…

Yet, when I began to pray for this person, it was in a very specific way.  I began to pray for healing of the heart for past hurts and offenses.  Afterward, I turned around to engage myself in the rest of the conference.  Suddenly I felt a strong urge to turn around and speak to this person.  I knew while praying it was a lady because the hand was so tiny.  I had absolutely no idea what I was going to say.

I turned to her and said: “ma’am you do not know me and I do not know you.  Yet, the Lord led me to pray specifically for you and I believe Jesus wants to heal your heart from the pain of the past.  You were violated as a little girl and it has affected every relationship you have had up until this day.”  She doubled over and began sobbing uncontrollably and had to leave the room.  Yet, she did not leave the room before we prayed together one more time.  I asked her to forgive the person who hurt her just as God in Christ forgave her: Eph 4:31-32.

Well, we prayed together and she verbally communicated her forgiveness toward the person who took her innocence away and robbed her father of the joys of presenting her as a gift to her husband on their wedding day.  A few days later, her husband came to me and said: “I saw you praying with my wife the other day.”  I said yes sir, I am sorry, I hope I did not hurt her or offend her.  He replied: “We have been praying for the last 18 months as we have been experiencing problems at home and the Lord has healed her heart.”

I could share many stories like this but will instead tell you HOW the Lord healed her heart?  Through a painful process called forgiveness.  It is a process by the way.  Let me share with you a few principles about forgiveness that I do pray will help you along the way.

#1) We are powerless to go and change the past or control people

#2) If we are unable to handle those offenses assertively by confronting the other person, we must recognize our limitations and be ready to LIVE the rest of our life

#3) You cannot wait for the other person to do the right thing before you decide to (In essence, you do not have to wait for an apology, you may never receive)  This is a subtle form of dependency whereby your emotional composure is bound up in the activity or inactivity of another person and YOU are enslaved

#4) Some of the people who have hurt you are dead and you will never hear the words: “I’m sorry

#5) Some of the people who have hurt you do not realize they have hurt you and you will never hear the words: “I’m sorry

#6) Some of the people who have hurt you do not care and you will never hear the words: “I’m sorry

#7) Most of these people have gone on with their life and you are left holding the rope in the tug-o-war

#8) The quickest way to end a tug-o-war is to let go of the rope (You have realized your limitations, and will no longer let the pain of the past rob you of a productive present and promising tomorrow) All of your energy is consumed in a tug-o-war and you are not free but a prisoner of the contest/conflict

#9) You can forgive them from your heart in order to be free: Read Matt 18:21-35.   Also, when the disciples asked Jesus to teach them to pray, Jesus taught them to say: “forgive us even as we forgive those who trespass against us (Matt 6:12; 14-15).  In other words, “forgive us, precisely in the same manner and the same degree that I forgive the person I said I would never forgive.”

#10) Forgiveness is painful and it will cost you more than it ever cost the person who offended you (in this life) Consider Jesus hanging on the cross (Isaiah 53:3-12; Eph 1:7; 4:31-32)

#11) Extending forgiveness is in someways like dealing with an abscessed tooth.  It is painful and sometimes the Physician has to perform an extraction in order to prevent the infection from spreading.

#12) You are the one suffering right now.  You are a prisoner of the pain and anger

#13) If you forgive, you are in essence releasing them from every offense they committed against you and leaving them accountable to God who will administer justice: Romans 12:17-19 (PLEASE read that one)!

#14) This is precisely what God did for us in Christ.  He forgave us unconditionally and released us from every offense committed against Him and promised us LIFE everlasting, removing the condemnation and treating us as if we never did anything wrong (THIS IS FREEDOM)! Romans 5:1-2; I Joihn 1:7-2:1

#15) You may forgive them but, as often as you rehearse the memories of what happened, the emotions will resurface and you must be willing to process them at that moment so that you are not controlled or compelled, manipulated by anger any longer (II Cor 10:3-5; Php 3:13-14).

#16) When you forgive, you are not justifying the offending parties actions or lack thereof.   Instead you are acting in a just manner and taking responsibility for the rest of your life.  You are not losing the battle, you are taking the high road!

Give yourself some time to process through the pain but at least begin the process.  The Lord is able to “bind up the wound” to prevent it from causing further harm and pain.

God is not distant from your pain.  He has experienced it in the person of Jesus.  Jesus experienced physical abuse, rejection, temptation, extreme moments of depression, hunger, thirst and the whole gammit of human experience, yet without sin.  He is able to emphathize and sympathize with us perfectly.  He cares about the whole person (Luke 4:18).  Go to Him!  Jesus wants to heal your heart today from ____________…will you pray?  Isn’t it time to find a resting place for the pain once and for all?

“I am Gay Will You Be My Pastor?”

I am going to venture into a very controversial arena and by doing so, I risk being labeled of all things, a “flaming liberal” by my conservative, evangelical friends and on the flip side, I risk being labeled as a narrow minded, bigot.   Yet, I have such an intense burden to share, I trust that all who read will appreciate my intentions even if I am a bit misunderstood or fail to communicate everything properly and equitably.

Several years ago, my wife and I after assuming the reigns of a new Pastorate were approached by a sweet lady whom I will call: Mary.  Mary waited until everyone had left for the night and then with tears rolling down her face, lips quivering and with much hesitancy came to us and said: “I need to tell you something and ask you a question, will you please give me a few moments of your time?”

Mary said (I will paraphrase): “I used to attend __________ church in a neighboring town.  I began to feel comfortable with some of the friends I made there.  One day, in a moment of transparency, I spoke with my friends and said: “I’m gay!”  I was subsequently asked to leave the Church and was told: “I would be more comfortable somewhere else.”

At this point, Mary was sobbing with deep hurt and, having experienced the pain rejection said in broken, fragmented and tear filled sentences, “nobody wants me.”  I have attended several Churches and nobody will welcome me.  Then she asked me this question: “Mike, will you be my pastor?”  Now, I am not sure how many of you would have handled this but here is what I told her!

“Yes, I would absolutely love to be your Pastor, Mary!  You are welcome here and we promise to love you and serve you.”

I can assure you before you throw your stones at me and point your bony finger of self-righteousness that Jesus would NOT have turned her away either!

“All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never cast out.” John 6:37 (The words of Jesus Christ)

After a few moments of crying and relief, Mary, my wife and I all talked so we could understand each other.  Mary explained to me: I have not been with a woman in over 12 years.  I love Jesus Christ with all of my heart and I have made a commitment to live for Him alone.  I am attracted to women, I don’t know how to overcome that, I feel as though I was born this way.  I honestly have tried to master my desires and thoughts to no avail.

At this point, and I mean at this very point, I had a major paradigm shift in my thinking.  Here I am, standing with a woman who says she loves God with all of her heart, claims to have been saved and transformed by the grace of Christ and yet still struggles with same sex desires and found no sense of acceptance by anyone who were themselves, accepted by God out of a life filled and marked with deep sin.  Instead, she was, in her time of greatest need, met with self-righteousness.

As I see it now, Mary probably would have been more comfortable somewhere else because THEY would have been more comfortable with her somewhere else!

Allow me to offer to you what went through my mind: We live in an abnormal world and the fall of Adam affected EVERYTHING about our nature and the image of God in us, though not totally obliterated is nevertheless corrupt and marred.  Mary admitted to having thoughts and attractions that she was seemingly not able to control.  I know men who lust exceedingly after women in their heart, and who love God, attend Church and are happily married.  They are not acting on those thoughts in a physical way and neither was Mary.  I know people who excessively overeat at the dinner table.  I know people who love God and are filled with pride.  I know people in Church who gossip excessively and slander and malign the character of people behind their backs and when they do so, they are acting just like SATAN himself.

What is the difference between a man who in private is governed by an insatiable lust for women even if he is happily married and  a person such as Mary who like all of us, has a past and who struggles with same sex attraction?  Someone may say, well one is a natural attraction and the other is unnatural.  For Mary, all she has ever known as been same sex attraction so to her, THAT was NATURAL!

The bottom line is: we are ALL sinners in need of a Savior.  Mary longed for a place where she could grow in her relationship with God, have genuine communion and fellowship with other believer’s who were honest enough to admit they had not yet arrived and still struggled (Romans 7:14-26; Php. 3:10-14).

It is interesting that we in the Church toss out our pet scriptures such as: (Romans 1; Leviticus and I Cor 6:9-11) to deal with sins we personally despise  while ignoring the ones we cherish in private.  It is interesting that Paul in the I Cor 6:9-11 lists several other things besides homosexuality such as: idolatry, adultery, sexual immorality, drunkards, greedy, REVILERS, swindlers etc…

To say that homosexuality is a choice is too simplistic of an answer for someone like Mary.  To her, she never had a choice.  Her earliest memories of childhood were filled with attraction to those of the same sex.  To say she was born that way is too simplistic of an answer for someone like myself.  I believe it, like many other things are COMPLEX issues and that we do a great injustice to each other and the cause of Christ by trying to put spiritual bandaids on open, gushing wounds.

What I do believe is that Mary who admittedly struggled along in shame, loneliness, confusion and rejection needs the SAME redemptive grace of Christ afforded to the drunk, drug addict, prostitute, reviler, adulterer, idolater, proud, wrathful and the angry.

Well as to the rest of the story.  I wish I could tell you that Mary and I always saw things the same way.  She knew that I would boldy and unapologetically declare the whole counsel of God.  She learned to appreciate it and I learned more and more to love her even though admittedly I felt awkward.  In fact, I felt as though I was doing something wrong.  Wasn’t I supposed to cram bible verses down her throat until she choked on them?  Wasn’t I supposed to preach a sermon every week about homosexuality until she either left the Church or repented?  Really?  Is that the goal? This way, we could make sure we kept all of the folks there who were uncomfortable with her and the light bill and mortgage on the Church property could be paid.  That mindset and attitude to me, is more disgusting than anything Mary could have possibly admitted to.

I could not help myself.  I remembered being so hopelessly addicted to alchol and drowning myself in booze regularly to escape even for a few hours.  I remember hearing that “God so loved the WORLD that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.” John 3:16-17.

I couldn’t help but know and believe with all that is in me that Mary is precisely the person Jesus came to give His life for just as He did for me, to rescue me out of addiction and save me from me, to save my marriage, to grant me life everlasting and the joys of KNOWING my sins are FORGIVEN not because I got cleaned up before I entered the Church but because what He did at the Cross was sufficient to cleanse me and make me a part of the Church while I was yet a sinner: Romans 5:8-9; 12-17.

Fortunately for both Mary and I, we are and were in a fantastic Church filled with people who are painfully aware of their own sins and who were and are very welcoming, who sincerely desire for people to know Jesus.  I thank God for my Church family and Mary does as well.  Mary was in our Church for three years until she moved and  I moved back to Oklahoma for a little while.

One day, Mary found me and called me on the phone and said: “Mike you are the only Pastor I have ever had and when I die, I want you to please preach my funeral. I have already made the arrangements with my trustees.”  I said: “Mary, I would be honored to preach your funeral, I love you!  Thank you for thinking of me and granting me this honor.”

No, I do not support gay marriage and yes I believe that this lifestyle along with a host of others is counterproductive and sinful.  Yet, I have many friends who are gay and I want them to know that I love them and I grieve for them believing in my heart that they too would love to experience what I have experienced in the way of grace and community!

I also cannot help but believe that we as the Church, are missing tremendous opportunties to experience grace and extend grace to the weak and despondent Mary’s of the world.  You can sit there in your pew and point your fingers at the homosexual community if you want to and declare they are headed for hell but don’t expect me to join your self-righteous bandwagon.  Especially while you sit and entertain yourself with internet pornography in the wee hours when the family is asleep, or when you are drinking excessively or when you serve and bow down to someone other than Christ who demands exclusive rights to order YOUR life around.  Don’t expect me to applaud your criticisms.  I weep in silent NOT for them so much as for YOU!  You of all people have forgotten where you have come from and what your purpose is here on the planet as one of Christ’s ambassadors.

While you are urging the homosexual community to repent, be sure you deal with the beam in your own eye FIRST, THEN go and deal with someone else: Matt 7:1-5.

Providence, Grief and Hope

Take a few minutes (15) or so and listen to this compelling story of a remarkable young girl and her dear family  Dr. Borger Spring 09

13 But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. 14 For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep. 15 For this we declare to you by a word from the Lord, [1] that we who are alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. 16 For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. 17 Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord. 18 Therefore encourage one another with these words.

How does Sovereignty allow YOU to rest or provide comfort during tremendous hardship?  BTW: who said or even imagined doctrine is irrelevant today…

Life-Illusions=Joy

What is the chief goal in life?  Is it personal pleasure and happiness?  Do we pursue personal pleasure and happiness because our life in its unvarnished reality  is so pathetic?

I work with men who have a history of chronic substance abuse.  I recently made this statement to them: “Substance abuse while it may tend to your perceived needs will be at the expense of someone—family, friends, your life.   Substance abuse, becomes a self-defeating way of life, it is a way of hiding the anger and escaping even for a moment from the painful reality.

Immediately following that statement, I asked them: “What about life are you hiding from?”  What about life, your life in particular is so terrible, that you would seek relief from it, at the expense of your friends, and family even if it were, but for a few hours.  It is only a temporary “fix,” a vicious cycle pursuing a  fleeting pleasure (Heb 11:24-25).

If I were to define one characteristic about life that is common to all of us, it would be that life, while it is infinitely precious and a gift from God is marked and filled with: Pain.

So, while one may pursue happiness from the pain of their reality through substance abuse, others will run from one bedroom to another, one relationship to another, one department store to another, from refrigerator to the table more often than necessary, all, as a way of dealing with reality.

We have ideals or illusions if you will, about life and love–that it will be euphoria.  This is where the objections begin: “I do not have that ideal, no, life is terrible, love does not exist, etc…”  For me, the objections confirm the point.

The Scottish rock group Nazareth from the 1970s recorded a hit song entitled: Love Hurts.   The first verse of the song was as follows:

• Love hurts, love scars, Love wounds, and marks, Any heart, not tough, Or strong, enough, To take a lot of pain, Take a lot of pain, Love is like a cloud, Holds a lot of rain, Love hurts, ooh ooh love hurts…[1]

The song contains some truth about life and love.  The truth the song contains about love being painful is true because life is pain.  This is life: Love and Pain, because in love, there is pain and if there is no pain there is no love and life is non-existent.   Suffering and pain is the one thing we all have in common.

The assumption the writer of the song made was to say that love does not exist; it must be a lie because it hurts so bad.The lyrics continue: “I know it isn’t true, I know it isn’t true, Love is just a lie, Made to make you blue.”

• The reason the writer came to the conclusion that love was a lie was based upon the illusion or myth of a present life without pain and suffering
  • “Some fools think of Happiness, Blissfulness, Togetherness, Some fools fool themselves I guess, They’re not fooling me”

In other words, if love was real, then the pain I am experiencing would not exist.  Yet, I hurt, therefore love does not exist.

There is conflict between the ideal and reality.  This is where we live life, in the disparity and tension between the two.  It is a life filled with the frustration of our hopes and expectations.  Now, as to how life can be such a disappointment and precious gift at the same time is a bit of an enigma.  I will take a stab at it though.

This is reality—the frustration of our hopes and expectations.  It is the place of tension between an ideal and what actually is. Another proof that the illusion holds sway in our mind.  It is the illusion of euphoria without God that serves as our greatest hindrance to relief from our painful reality.

We can trace the reason why life is filled with pain back to the book of Genesis 3:16-19 and Romans 5:12-21.  Life is pain.  Yet, we are told that even though death reigned through Adam and spread to every man, those who receive the abundance of grace and the gift of righteousness can reign in life, through the one man, Jesus Christ.

As for love, in its purest form, it  is: altruistic I John 4:7-8 meaning: it is sacrificial.  This is the love we receive from “God who is love.”  God is love–an eternal, unselfish, sacrificial interest in the welfare of another.  It is the love that is eternally shared in an intra-Trinitarian relationship between the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.

It is that which exists for another—an unselfish regard for the welfare of another and it is in loving one another, that we experience the pain of disappointment because,  if people are consistent at anything, it is they disappoint us.

We experience the pain of want and disappointment because the image of God in us, though not totally obliterated is nevertheless marred and in a corrupt state.   So, while we are incapable of NOT loving, we are presently unable to love without PAIN.

So in one sense, if you experience pain at all, it is proof that you in fact do love, even if you insist that it does not exist.   It is proof that the Imago Dei (The image of God) in you, while marred and corrupt because of the fall, groans, longing for restoration to a pristine state where you are loved and can love without the pain! Rom 8:20-23.  This is the day of redemption to which all believers long for where we will be liberated from this state of decay and imperfection.

The revelation of this “future glory” will wipe away all of the present pain, harm and loss suffered as a result of Adam’s fall: Rom 8:18 also see: Rev 21:1-4. The apostle Paul held to the view that these light and momentary afflictions are “producing for us” a glory that outweighs them all (II Cor 4:17).  Have you bothered to consider that the very pain to which you seek to escape is working for you?

In essence, it is to say that pain, disappointment etc… while it is terrible and the inevitable results of Adam’s transgression, works together for our good and is not worth comparing to the glory that will be revealed in us–not now but in the hereafter.  This life is pain and the hedonistic tone in our culture in the pursuit of pleasure (even temporary) is proof of it.

If you were to bake a cake from scratch, all of the ingredients by themselves taste terrible.  A little flour, vanilla extract, egg etc…  Yet when they are mixed together and it endures the heat of the oven, something marvelous comes out of it all.

God in His sovereignty, like a master Chef is able to take all of the ingredients of our lives, which by themselves taste terrible and work them together and when they endure the heat of the oven, something good and beautiful comes from it.  Rom 8:28-30.

To me, it is no wonder the apostles could “count it all joy when they endured trials, hardships, suffering etc… all for the name of Christ.  They were not madmen.  They embraced life without the illusions of a present euphoria.  Jesus told them: “in the world, you will have tribulation, you will be hated of all men, you will be persecuted, you may be excluded from the family, you may lose your life…” (Matt 10; John 16:33).

In essence, through Christ, though our present life is filled with pain and love truly hurts, we can experience joy through it all because He has in love, stripped and debunked the illusions.   We no longer have to hide even for a moment at the expense of another or ourselves from the pain of our reality.  We can truly seize and embrace life, in all of its fullness, glorify God and enjoy Him forever.

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[1] http://www.lyricsfreak.com/n/nazareth/love+hurts_20098532.html

Depression and the Pressure Of Myths

The following is a small portion of my thoughts on the types of pressure that exists within the Church/Christian community, among it’s followers to be something other than human.  Now mind you, I love Church deeply and am committed to serving in it and doing the work of the Church for the remainder of my life. Let me explain.

I wonder how many people there are, who love God, attend Church and are in regular, close contact with people, and struggle silently with things like: depression, eating disorders and other self-injurious types of behavior.

I wonder how many sit in our pews week after week and are surrounded by people, yet feel like the loneliest person on the planet–disconnected, isolated and worse yet, unable to share those feelings and thoughts within anyone in the Church without the sting of self-righteousness and a quick bible verse band-aid.

Now, before you get upset, I believe God’s word is absolutely alive and powerful (Heb 4:12) and the previous comment was meant only to draw attention to the cavalier way in which we toss the scriptures around in our half-hearted attempts to heal a person’s wounds lightly, without being touched by the feelings of their infirmities ourselves (See Heb. 4:15).

In essence, I mean to say that our attempts to heal are oftentimes clothed in the appearance of righteousness yet if we get honest, they are subtle ways of AVOIDANCE in dealing with a person’s humanity.   I speak with some authority here as a Pastor first of all and secondly one who was guilty as charged.

One form of pressure that exists is the myth that if and when you come to Jesus, you should no longer struggle with things like: depression.  If a “believer” struggles with depression, the assumption is  they are either not a true believer or, there is something seriously deficient in their relationship with God–it is a failure on their part.  They were free to get help prior to coming to Jesus but now are bound to the myth of total freedom and any admittance of struggle would be an admittance of failure something we refuse to accept and the vicious cycle begins.

The reality as most of us have painfully experienced is that our life becomes increasingly more complicated when we begin our journey with Christ.

We are for the most part only capable of dealing with a person’s humanity at the point of invitation (the point in time when we invite people to come to Christ in faith).  After this brief moment in time, we oftentimes expect the individual will no longer experience: loneliness, depression, or thoughts of suicide, even though we have little or no means of discipleship in place to teach them properly.

Here are a few people in history who loved God, had a relationship with Him, were mightily used by the Lord and struggled with depression: Job, Elijah, David, Solomon, Jeremiah, JESUS (my soul is exceedingly sorrowful even unto death) also see: Isaiah 53:1-12 (man of sorrows and acquainted with grief…); Martin Luther, Charles Spurgeon and a host of others.

If you are a follower of Christ and you experience moments and even extended periods of depression, loneliness, isolation and thoughts about wanting to die, you are in GREAT COMPANY!

I am not a professionally trained counselor but I do believe: 1 depression is a complex issue and the fall of Adam affected every part of mankind including our neurological system, psychological, chemical etc…and all of creation is groaning, waiting for the day of redemption when we are all rescued from this corruption in this abnormal world.  2  I would no longer say that your relationship with God is a failure or that you are not a true follower of Christ.  3 I believe it is entirely possible to be entirely healed from these disorders through faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, 4 I believe some of you may never experience healing from Christ regarding these disorders until you see Him face to face and the mortal puts on immortality and corruption puts on incorruption.  5 I believe if we care enough to bring people to Christ in faith, let us responsibly deal with their humanity during the time when they are being refined into His image.

I wonder if the sense of community in the Church would become stronger than the local bars and taverns if we learned these principles and put them into practice.  I wonder if these disorders would continue to dominate the silent and lonely hours of those precious people who feel as though they can now talk to no one.

Suffering and the Empathy of Doubt?

What is a greater gift Christians can give to those who are suffering?  I realize it is entirely “human” or natural to question the reality of God’s goodness when pain and suffering are experienced.  Certainly, mass amounts of devastation and suffering make us or should make us tremble.

Yet, do we tremble in unbelief and then communicate that or do we tremble because people are suffering and hurting and it grieves us–tests us to the point of overthrow and moves us to action?

I wonder if it is a greater gift to empathize with doubt over the suffering of others or is it a greater gift to offer compassion and confidence in who God is?  What is the greatest of the two, (doubt or hope)?

Considering the influence Christianity has in the world and the contributions Christian thinkers have made, how loving and compassionate is it, when questioned by those searching for hope in a time of need to offer them your doubts?  I suppose the question is just as appropriate for us to answer today: “whom do men say that I am…but who do YOU say that I am.?”  Matt 16:13; 15.

By the way, that questioned followed a time of compassion and ministry extended to the suffering: see Matt 15:21-39.

Planning My Eulogy?

Do you ever wonder what the person asked to do your eulogy will say?   I personally do not plan on having a funeral with a casket.  I am planning on donating everything I am physically and everything I can to help save lives the moment I die and am with my Lord in heaven.

Even though I do not plan on the use of a casket or having my family pay the astronomically high costs of a funeral, I do realize that in some way, they will want to have a memorial service to pay their respects and formally say something like: “See you soon Dad–I love you.  You were a great husband and father.”    Gosh I am getting choked up thinking about it already.

No, I do not plan on dying today but really, who does?  Most of us do not live like we are dying, and death, though it is inevitable, always seems to catch us by surprise.

I live my life with the goal of introducing as many dying people as I can, to a living Savior.  I know many shy away from the Church and especially Christians because of all of the “hypocrisy and self-righteousness” they witness from those who claim to know and have met Jesus.  I have heard things like: I love Jesus, my problem is with His followers.

I have been at this long enough to know precisely why unbelieving people feel this way.  There is a disconnect between what they know to be true about Jesus and what they experience from those who claim to be in the closest bonds of relationship to Him.  Let’s face it, the accusations, though NOT universally applicable to all Christians everywhere, and, are nothing more than excuses and canned responses to avoid dealing with matters of eternal significance are: TRUE to a large extent.

Yet, when I introduce you to Him, it is my sincere hope that you experience more than just rhetoric and empty phrases filled with Christianese lingo.  I hope you experience His love, Person and grace working through my life, to yours.

What would it be like, or mean to your loved ones, to have someone, a stranger to all who knew you except to you, stand up at the close of your memorial and say something like this:  “I used to stay away from Church and Christians because of the blatant hypocrisy and self-righteousness I experienced and witnessed until I met _____________, and now, I can no longer use that pitiful excuse.”

Christian! You get one shot at life and there must be more to it than gathering together once per week as the unconcerned!  An ancient poet once said: “Only one life will soon be past, only whats done for Christ will last.”

Philippians 1:21 “For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.”